Say Cheeese =)

It’s amazing how we smile when we're happy,

But then to hide our sorrow we laugh

So after ward when we're happy, we laugh harder

And then another sad wave hits and you hide you're feelings with a louder laugh,

Then you're laughing till you're crying....., 

Then it goes on by an exponential increase in the amount of laughing by time,

Till it's hard to tell when you're really sad or happy

Cause either ways you're always laughing and smiling......

A New Thing (The Long Way Home)

Regret is filling me

Why did I do this though I’m not convinced

Why did I hurt myself though I care about me

Regret is making me sad

I was completely bad

Why did I go down a road with no end

Why did I confuse myself & got it misled

Regret is making me conscious

It is blaming me

For my mind’s ache & heart misery

For my eye’s redness & runny nose

Why did I let it be

Why did I blind myself

I hate it when it hurts me

Now I’m the only one living with this disgust

The disgust of what I could be

The disgust I shouldn’t be

I wasted away time & dignity

But most of all I betrayed a trust 

"I Quitted Smoking Because ...."

I spent 20 years asking why can't you stop smoking, and during that time I used to also ask why did you start smoking

And all I used to get was some gibberish and crap (in my opinion) about how it's a bad habit but the person cant stop, or how it's something to spend the time, or an outlet to frustration or any locked up energy and if they wanted to quit they would in an instance but they wont

Till recently I got to ask a new question: "why did you quit"

I’m not gonna talk about that person's reasons for quitting smoking, which are pretty convincing for that kind of person that that person is

But let me walk you through what was after the question, and through one of the reasons that many people gave me along those years,

It’s an outlet, "something that I can burn, instead of burning inside myself and exploding"

But hey, wait a min, you're literally burning your lungs in the process of smoking, so what is obvious is that you'd prefer physical burn than emotional burn!!!!! What kind of thinking is that?.

Plus you say it's an outlet for your energy?? I answer to that, that you didn't look well before you said that, because there are far more better ways to let out those built up emotions, ways better than burning yourself, you could dance, do any sort of sport starting from running, to violent sports, to swimming to anything that you can think of and can make you exert a lot of energy,

But instead a smoker choses the laziest way to vent their locked up emotions and energies…. what a waste

Prioritizing A Person

How many times have you felt comfortable with some that you prioritized that person into your list of VIP people?

How many times have you gone out of your ways just to make that one person happy, comfortable or anything

And how many times, have that person - that you favoured - has not returned your feelings

Not that you'd ask them directly but it would have been nice of them to do so

This could be due to many probabilities

1. That person has reasonable important priorities than you

2. That person has unreasonable priorities (from your point of view) and you're not in them

3. That person is not a decent person

4. That person has communication issues

So what you need to conclude and accept is:

1. Just because this person is special to you, doesn’t necessary mean that you are to them

2. Maybe you're a priority on the person's list, but there are far more important things before you. And you can’t blame them for that

3. Maybe that person doesn't priorities you at all, and in that case you may need to re-evaluate his position on your priority list

4. Maybe .............

This is what happens when you automatically think that the person in front of you reciprocates your feelings, you don't take into consideration that that person has his own mind, and his own partitioning of his own feelings

Pre-Perception

How many times have you disliked someone for no obvious reason?

How many times have you had a bad vibe, or a signal from some so you decided to dismiss them and consider them opposing to yourself?

This usually happens subconsciously, when you disagree with someone for any sort of reason

Or maybe there was no disagreement in the first place, just maybe a misunderstood glance, a misinterpreted word or a gesture, perception of who that person is, so you find yourself not liking that person for no obvious reason, and that feeling of yours starts developing afterward into something that we don't wanna talk about. You end up finding yourself judging that person without even knowing, without spending the time to get to know that person.

So let's take a look at that person forgetting our previous speculations;

Does that person have friends or not?

Does that person seem to spend some fun times with their friends?

Could you be wrong about that person?

Could you have repelled that person by your own pre-assumptions that they are not good enough to be your friend?

Could you have made that person already not like you, if not hate you for treating them in an attacking attitude, or a diffusive attitude?

Can you try to place yourself in their shoes?

Can you take a step back, and try to be nice to that person?

Can you tolerate their attacking, or defending attitude toward you when you start to be nice?

Can you at least be neutral toward that person??

"SWEET DREAMS"

It’s the phrase that many say it, I say it too, and I wish it to everyone =)

But who said that dreaming is sweet, not for everyone, for example I don't like to be dream while sleeping, no dreams, nightmares or any type of dreams, simply because, I usually have an eventful day, so by night I’d like to have some silent, undreamful, peaceful sleep, where there's no one running after me, and no one trying to do anything with me, no meetings, no exams, no running around, no people talking loudly, nothing, just some darkness and nothingness, where I can wake up with a clear head, and a refreshed body to perform my best in my day.

I say that because about 70% of the dreams I dream are realistic, so when I wake up, it’s like I haven’t slept at all, there was a very convincing life full of events taking place in my subconscious mind, so yes no dreaming can be healthy sometimes.

Trip back home

Why do I laugh a lot about everything, the good and the bad??

Why do I smile to everyone, those who I know and those who I don't?

Why when there was a girl standing in the metro looking like she wants to smile, I give her a small piece of paper written in it smile about fourteen times

Why when I was going up the stairs and I found a girl frowning, I return to her and tell her: "it's not worth it to be upset"

Why when there was a girl who I thought that didn’t like me, I talk to her about how when you smile you radiate positive energy

Why has reasons, not many, but more than many reasons, but what I’ve come to realize now is:

There cant pass a day without me smiling, without me laughing, not only that, it can’t even pass without making someone who's upset laugh

Now the girl that I talked to about radiation, I can’t frown when I see her, even if I was filled with worry and concern

Because I feel that she attains her smile from mine

Why do I bother saying all that?

Simply because I’m riding a minibus, and the driver seemed to be upset and he told me to sit in the seat next to him

And the morale should have radiated positivity

But I couldn’t

Because I feel like I’m weighted down with a lot of worry, like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

So I leave all that is going on and get out a paper and a pen and start writing........

Windy, drizzly day

Well, today the weather seemed good, it’s not my favorite type of weather, but it seemed great, I was hot, but there was wind to chill it, there was no sun, which was making it bearable.

Then as I got out of the min ibus, reaching my destination to my grandma, it started to drizzle, I was like “AWESOME, I hope it rains”. But it never did, after a minute of drizzling, it stopped, so I let go of the idea of the rain, and enjoyed the wind which was pushing me in the wrong direction, so it made me want to reach my destination even more, and I became more eager to see my family.

Later today I went to Il Tahrir, and to my surprise on my way home it started to drizzle again, me and my sisters were enjoying it, till we reached home… and after I changed, I found my mum and my sisters standing in the balcony and I was hearing that familiar sweet sound of dripping water, so at 23:00 I saw that it started to rain heavily, and I was inside house due to curfew (mum’s curfew).. So now I took my Mac (:P) and sitting in my balcony enjoying the rain with Checco who’s enjoying it with me =)

p.s: any spelling mistakes are Checco stepping on the lap to get a good view

12:45

It’s a strange moment when you've just woken up,

And you check your online friends, and find someone that you want to talk to, for any sort of reason; you miss them, or wanna meet, or you just wanna talk… 

And you find that friend of yours saying: " sorry dude, I’m dying to sleep!!!!"

You look at your watch, and check it again thinking: "what time is it??" 

That is no time to go to sleep, and yet it is no time to wake up…

What is happening to you and your friends? , Why is that you all seem to be going through some sort of sleep disorder?

That is what I like about most the scholar and academic days, you always have something to wake up for early in the morning, and for those who don't like their college, it's when you have a purpose in life, a cause, something that you’re so eager to that it would wake you up without hitting the snooze button, without even hearing the alarm.

Keys On The Back Of The Exam Paper

Here I am sitting in an exam room, finished the exams and even gave my answer sheet to the attending professor, but I wasn't allowed to leave, why? For certainly unknown reasons, so I flipped the questions paper and starting writing, about how I was spending my past hour, trying not to let it go to waste, here is what I did:

I imagined myself in front of keys, I don't know whether they belonged to a grand piano or a simple keyboard, but here I imagined no one and nothing but me and the keys, I started to play that simple training I used to start to warm up with, I started with my right hand, POC, then with my left hand which was…. Well it wasn’t that easy, then I tried both hands together, which turned out to be a total chaos, each finger was in a place other than where it should be, so I started slowly again to play but with more focus on each finger, playing with a very slow tempo, till I managed to play with both hands the exercise with an acceptable speed, during all that training, I thinking the attending professor was trying to figure out what I was doing =D

Then I started to think about how much I wanted to excel at playing the piano, and how I was close to be good at it, then I gave that dream away, for many reasons, I didn’t know that postponing that dream -- that idea of me playing all day long on a piano – had it’s price, now I’m rusty, and if I decide to play again, it will take longer time, and more effort. It made me wish that I’d given up on that dream of mine, and it made me also think about how many things I wanted to do but postponed till I will do them no more.

Dreams are not to be postponed; they are to be realized as soon as possible

A flower, A kiss, and a Thank you

I've always wanted my sister to treat me in a better way, I tried advising her, telling her to stop doing stuff that irritated me, but nothing had worked.

The following scenario used to take place a lot 3 years ago, right now not so much:

I enter the room, and look peacefully at my little sister and say: "hey dodo, how are you today??"

She suspiciously looks and tells me:"what do you want!!!!!"

I tell her with a smile: "nothing, just checking up how you're doing =)" and I leave her 

That response didn't come that easy, first there was: "I WANT NOTHING, IS SEEING HOW YOU'RE DOING IS A CRIME WTF *@!#" 

But then with passage of time I managed to change my response to the irritating one above

That scene was repeated 5 to 10 times per day, and to irritate her more, I used to storm into our room, and kiss her for no obvious reason, and on my way home I’d buy her a single long stem flower (I know she loves flowers). 

Though she used to give that irritated suspicious "what do you want" look, I never asked for anything, cause all I wanted was to see her happy, and appreciated, cause I’ve always felt like she was doing a lot.

Nowadays I also irritate her by doing a couple of other stuff =), whenever she asks me for anything, I tell her okay, whatever you want, and I keep saying thank you, and sorry (if I do something that maybe, MAYBE made her upset) ... while doing so, I realized that I never appreciated her, at least not out spoken

So Now, I REALLY do appreciate every little thing that she does, and I’m grateful to have her as my little sister (though it's hard to believe that she's younger than me). And that is obvious by words and actions....

And she too ... her relationship with me is... Well it has never been greater =)

So the point is..... well you can guess it yourself.. isn't it obvious ;P

Oh one thing to write this note, I entered our room and sat in front of her, with a smile on my face =) guess her reaction =D

Chromosomal Abnormalities & Others

Wt would you do if you knew you had an incurable disease? Not the one that kills you, but the one that makes you less than anyone else, not just physically, but mentally too!!! Would you wanna know, would you wanna know that  you're less than  your loved ones, that there's something wrong with you, and what if your loved ones are unappreciative to the difficulties you're in, and think that you're holding them back.


You may think that you'll say i'll try my best with wt i'm given, even though you'll believe that you were not given equal chances, but thinking that way is hope and determination, but i'm talking about someone whose definition of hope is that it is something that doesn't exist, it maybe a fairy tale, or even worse, that it is not meant for you, or maybe they have never heard of it !!!!!


How would you feel, if you knew that no matter how hard you try, and no matter what you do, you'll still be less than most of the people. and that in every living moment you'd be wishing for even less than tenth of the potential a normal person has?


But what if you couldn't comprehend what i am writing because of your difficulties? 

You Don't Have Their Genes

unconditional acceptance is hard for alot of people to understand, let alone do it.. so why is it hard??, simply because what you can't understand you can't accept, so let's move to the obvious question, why can't anyone completely understand another one?? to answer that just let me brief you about sth you already know, and have been through.
how is the person's trait formed,it's gene and environment, so in order to be something (honest, liar, aggressive, calm) it all comes from having the gene in your DNA, and then it's the experiences that you pass through all your life is what shapes your thinking, your attitude, and your behaviour, we've always been keen to learn from other's mistakes, but it is not only the mistakes that shapes us, it's the whole experience, and no experience is repeated, so no matter how much you think you're passing through the same situation as your best friend, no matter how hard you try to be empathetic, it's not the same, because simply you're not him, and you're not in his situation, you don't have the same previous experience and if you do, then by that time, he'll be somewhere else, and is someone else.

Unconditional Acceptance

how many times have you had a friend and thought; "oh my friend is TRUELY awesome, if only they could be more accurate, or more direct, or more on time, or keep their word more often"
how many times has your friend done something that was irritating to yourself, and you told them to change that thing, or to not do it?? how many times has that thought came across your mind??


well let me introduce you to something, it's called accepting the person in front of you as they are, and NOT try to change them, no matter how bad you think they are, no matter how much you think you can improve their behaviour or attitude.. simply because a friend comes to you as a package, he has his goods and his bad, his ups and downs, his rights and wrongs, and above all he has his own opinion on being who he is, so no matter how many persons may say that this person ought to change, be a true friend and  unconditionally accept the person in front of you, or else leave the package, and someone else will come along who'd want him and accept him as he is, but consider this: when you never think of changing the person in front of you, that person in time will change himself, and it wont be for you, or for anyone, it will be a permanent change for the better of himself, a change rising from his own need to change, a lasting change =)

Drama Centre

I was studying at Diwan when I looked up to see a colorful poster for kids workshops, they contained art centre, craft centre, game centre and Drama centre, from age 3 to 12, all seemed okay, then I thought, why does a 5 year old need acting lessons for? why teach him how to pretend and fake something, why would anyone want to do that?? growing up they'll learn to do that (hide a feeling, fake a smile), so why start so early?, they should learn form their mistakes to not lie as they'd get caught, but if I train them now to act, then what will happen in the future?, and why call it a "Drama" centre?, why darken the mood and the day at this young age?? , they'll have their enough share of trouble and "DRAMA" so why all that drama???

Imagine mosebtak

Many times I imagine being blind, actually there was a time when I thought it was cool to be blind, and till now whenever I go for a walk, I walk with eyes closed, and I try always to walk long distances with my eyes closed (longest time was app. 1 min), memorize places that I go to frequently, (I tried counting steps.. doesn't work with me cause i forget =D) but the main point remains the same, how would my life be if I lost my sight, if I lost one of the many blessings that I never notice.so whenever I think about what the future may hold, I say "GOD please ease wtever that would happen, and make it easy for me to live with it", so the question is, when you imagine yourself in the future, other than a successful person (wtever successful means to you) what is it that you take for granted can you afford to lose!!??

Walad ebn lady msh nedeefa

taking the bus to get my mum from the airport, thinking about the next mini thought, actually i was rambling between 3 thoughts, and setting strong titles (as i believe) for each one, then i look out of the window and we're almost there, but i noticed in a fraction of a second that there was a police car "box" starting to drive next to us, and the driver steered left that he was gonna hit us, after 5 seconds the accident was avoided, but the driver of the bus went down to see who and what and how, we (the passengers) saw that it was a young fella driving, and the officer said "ma3lesh aslo beyet3alem"!!!!, the driver was on his way back to the bus when the guy sitting in front of me cursed the young guy with the swear word mentioned above, the young man started saying "makhalas 2olna ma3lesh" and the officer next to him said "ma2olna lessa beyet3alem" the guy in front of me (AGAIN) said "we da makan yet3alem feeh" and then after a sec he cursed him again with the same line. i tried to think of a reason; maybe the guy was already angry about something, maybe the young fella reminded him of someone, maybe it's just the heat......etc.the reasons that came into my mind were countless, and i couldnt be sure of any, but i was sure of something, it was not my place to judge any of the men, and i should have told the guy to chill and ask him why he was so irritated and something more, it's this extra thing that has been driving me insane all day long, i want to know what was there to be done???

Mini Thought (A Daily Day dream)

Everyday i take the public transportation, heading to a meeting, an appointment, a class or anywhere, and daily i wait for the expected bus, which is usually late, or i am early, anyway... i stand there watching other minibuses that pass by heading to somewhere that is not my destination, so i stand there thinking and imaging taking one of these buses to their final destination, or even just to anywhere, and i would get down to change to something else to take me somewhere else, the destination doesn't really matter, it's the ride that i am intending to enjoy, it's the new places that i'll see, the faces i may meet, the situations and i may witness, all that.